I won't give up
by Camille1704
Summary: Alternate season 5 featuring Finchel and popularly requested Finchel moments
1. Thinking of you

**So this is how I imagine season 5 should have been, well, if Cory would have been there too... I've been putting all this stuff the fandom dreamt to see going on with Finchel in season 5 and I'm open to suggestions of songs and ideas and all the stuff you'd like to see in here. It may be a little angsty, but there will be fluff, I promise. As you may see, I love quoting. Real life Monchele quotes, old Glee episodes, Finchel moments. Anything. So if you wanna send me cute little quotes that you'd like to see in here, I'm grateful. I can't remember all of them.**

**I need to say a special thanks to my beautiful pal, Miss DM. I started writing this in July, but I wasn't sure if I was going to post it. Thank you so much for encouraging me and committing yourself as my first reader darling, I love you **

**The title of this fic comes from the song 'I won't give up' (duh).**

**Oh! I'm not a native English speaker, so sorry if I have some mistakes, feel free to correct me **** Done with the ado now, hope you like it**

…

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of this, else I'd be freaking rich (wich I'm not, duh)**

…

She slept with her phone under her pillow, just in case an unexpected call arrived when she was sleeping. Weeks kept passing and _My man_ only made her phone buzz after Santana's, Kurt's o her daddies' calls. Not Broadway producers, not… him, either.

Was he still giving her space? Or was he afraid she was still mad after that feud with her ex-something? At this point, he should know she doesn't lie to him, she even told her she was grateful he did that… He would always be her knight in shining armor.

Maybe, and only maybe, it wasn't strictly necessary, the feud. But, two guys fighting over her (two _hot_ guys), that was something not every girl lives to see. Not a girl like her, at least… A _Run Joey, run_-tuned déjà-vú appeared in the back of her mind. But that didn't end up pretty well… What about this time? Not a clue.

She was confused about how she felt about him… About Finn. Not Brody, he was only a mask she tried to use to show everyone she was over… Finn… Ok, maybe that (and Valentine's day) was an answer to her previous confusion. Wait! Shouldn't she be thinking of a producer call right now, rather than an ex-fiancé's one? Maybe Finn's call is easier to handle… No, no it isn't! Remember the last one? I mean, it's not easier or more difficult, just different… One thing is being stage-kind of nervous, like in auditions, or Nationals… But seeing _Finn_ written on her phone's screen, along with a picture of him with her favorite half smile, _that_ was a different song. One that even she couldn't sing. Well maybe that was too much… But she is Rachel Berry, right? She is always too much of something or nothing at all.

Suddenly something took her out of her musings.

_Oh my man I love him so, he'll never know…_

But that wasn't her mind singing again. It was Barbra, on her phone (the song, of course, not the call, can you imagine that? Oh. My. Glee!). But that wasn't Finn, who was calling (why was she still expecting his call, rather what she truly had to expect for?), or Kurt, or Santana, or Papa, or Daddy...

An unknown number.

A little-shoe-box-apartment that's always crowded. That's where she lived (well, that wasn't the nicest way to call it, let's say it's just a little apartment and put the sad memories in a little cage in the back of her mind until the night comes). But this time, _this time_, for _this_ call, she was alone.

Her stomach felt weird, her hands and knees started shaking a little… Green button. Lots of shaking now…

Hello? (Voice shaking a bit, _really_? she would have to work on that) Yes, this is her. Yes. Ok. I'll be there. Thank you so much Mister. Goodbye, have a nice day.

OH. MY. BARBRA!

…

He was sitting on the floor, staring at a rug made out of a bunch of music sheets he couldn't decide about. Nationals. Mr. Sch- Will- No, no way... Mr. Schue put him under too much pressure. He was on his own... None of these songs was as good as _Edge of glory_, and not a chance of comparison with _Paradise_.

_Well, at least I don't have to manage with a bunch of divas fighting over a solo_…

He sighs... He missed that bunch of divas... No. He missed _her_. Of course none of the solos that the girls from Glee Club could sing were ever gonna be comparable to her _It's all coming back to me now_. Not even Tina's or Marley's... They were _great_ singers but... Well, he wasn't making a fair comparison, was he? He wasn't objective. How do they call it when you fall in love with someone after you first listen to them? Love at first... _listening_? If she was here right now, she would be explaining him that that expression doesn't exist, and teaching him the correct way to say it. Besides, she would have already chosen three songs like _ages_ ago. And the singers, and the arrangements, and the customs, and... well, _everything_. Damn, why did he ever let her go? His heart still beat faster when he remembered their last conversation.

_Make those producers fall in love with you in that moment on the stage. And I know you have it in you. _

"I know it by experience", he had wanted to say, "that's how I fell in love with you (though I didn't realize right there)", he had wanted to say. It had all happened in that auditorium. She surely freaked the shit out of him that day, but hearing her voice had really touched something in his heart (which totally is on the _left_ side of your chest, _of course)…_

But he didn't say any of that. He didn't want to make things more difficult. It was too much to be true, she had called him, and she wasn't mad (he thinks) about what he had done to that _FUCKING ASSHOLE SHARP-EDGED FACE 3% BODY FAT BROADWAY MANHORE RACHEL'S-HEART-BREAKER FUTURE-WIFE STEALER._

He spread some of the sheets he had in front of him angrily (only because he was sitting on the floor and couldn't kick anything from there).

He closed his eyes, breathed deeply, slowly but noisily, and continued remembering their conversation.

_I think I owe you a debt of gratitude_ (of course she did, he had thought, he only said he was sorry because he was afraid she was mad at him, but, again, didn't say any of this). _I just wished you would have stayed and... hang around a little longer..._

Hearing her voice was so... I don't know, another thing he couldn't express. Another thing Rachel would explain him how to say.

_Let me guess, Funny Girl auditions. _

_That's_ why she wasn't there with him. That's why he had let her be free. Because she was _going to be a star._ _Without me. That's how much I love you._

That fucking day.

Maybe he could call her, couldn't he? She called him when she needed help, so why not? Well, he didn't need help actually... He knew he could choose wisely, if he stopped thinking about her and stuff (although he would still think of WWRBD, all the way, she was his _moose_). But, what could possibly go wrong if he asked for a little help? I mean, she's still Rachel Berry, right? Top performer of Glee club or something (he always told her so, but Mercedes, April Rhodes and Mr. Schue should be just as good, right? He was afraid to even think about it, what if she could really get into his mind or something?). And she is at NYADA and stuff, it is totally the right person to ask for help. Well, so would be Kurt but... Who is he kidding, he wanted to talk to her. But how would she react? No, he shouldn't call her.

_I'm setting you free. _

Great. His dumb brain couldn't remember his mom's birthday, but it could recall _exactly_ that fucking conversation. And all their duets' lyrics, of course.

– _You don't want to marry me? _

– _I wanna marry you so badly I can't go through with it. _

Fucking. Scumbag. Brain.

What the hell!

Take the phone.

Contacts.

'R' key.

'Rachel Berry'.

_Look how cute she is. _

Finger above green button.

Press.

Finger above red button...

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Press.

…

A/N: ok, not much Finchel stuff yet, but it'll come, I promise. It's already written actually, so it shouldn't take too long to update. I just want to see the response so tell me your thoughts Thanks for reading!


	2. Meeting

**Ok, so here's a brand new chapter. I can't explain how thankful I am for the people who followed, favorited and commented on this story, it makes me really happy and motivates me to keep going with it.  
Thanks to my twitter friends too, for your help with those expressions that I can't always formulate for not being a native speaker. Especially to Myeveryday. Also to DM, for cheering on me and encouraging me to publish.**

**I'm still open to suggestions of songs, quotes, storylines, questions, and everything you want.**

**Disclaimer: don't own Glee but strongly believe they should hire fanfiction writers.**

* * *

She arrived to the café she had been convened to by phone call. They hadn't given her a definitive answer on the phone; they only told her that she had a role in the play.

Her heart was beating so fast it seemed it would burst out of her chest. She took a deep breath and went in, looking at all the tables, searching for Mr. Jenkins, one of the producers. He was the one who had felt what she felt on her first audition; he had seen she felt something special on that stage. Of course, she had been thinking about her friends and her... her... Finn. There was not another definition for him… Or, well, to be honest, there were _a lot_, but they mostly included the word 'ex', and she didn't like it, because he still was an important part of her life. Also, things were too complicated to settle for just 'friend'. So 'Finn' was the only right term, with all that it implied.

– Hello Mr. Jenkins, I'm Rachel Berry, I had auditioned to Funny Girl.

– Sure, Miss Berry, I remember you. Please take a seat. – As she did, the man kept talking – Well, Rachel, you wanted the role of Fanny, am I right?

– Yes Sr., that was the role I had auditioned for.

– Well, Miss Berry, I must say I really liked your performance. Unluckily...

Her thoughts started running.

_Ok, that's it. 'Unluckily'. Nothing good can come after that word, not for me at least. I didn't get Fanny. I DIDN'T GET FANNY. Oh my Barbra, what am I gonna do? What am I gonna say to everyone? Kurt, Mr. Schuester, my dads... Finn... _

_Ok, maybe I should listen to him, right? Right. Focus, Rachel Berry, it's not the end of the World. Remember when you didn't get into NYADA? You started singing about it. That won't happen anymore. You'll start __**doing**__ something about what happens to you (besides singing, of course, that won't stop)._

The man kept talking.

...we have found that maybe you lack of some of the experience and training you should have for a part of this magnitude. Please don't think we believe you're not good enough, but just happened to find people with more experience along the casting. Anyway, since you are here, it means you have a place in the play, and, you may not be the star but you'll get to be her understudy. Congratulations, Ms. Berry.

_Lack of experience and training? Ok, Rachel, remember this is not Lima, this city is full of talent, and... who cares, I'm just an understudy. Fuck the world._

– Thank you Mr. Jenkins, I'm so grateful. When do rehearsals start?

– They will start in three months, we'll keep in touch for an accurate date.

– Perfect, I'll wait for your call. Goodbye Mr. Jenkins, and thank you again.

– My pleasure Miss Berry, we'll call you.

She left after they shook their hands.

She knew she had promised herself not to do that, but she did what she always does in moments like this: going away walking fast and looking down, trying to hide her tears until he got outside of the café. After all, it was New York, no one would care about someone walking down the street and crying.

If this would have been another role, she may not have felt this bad. But this was Fanny. **Fanny! **It was her dream role since she could remember. But may have come too soon.

By the time she arrived home, she had managed to stop crying. Her two friends were there. She wished Santana wasn't, though. She just wasn't ready for her bitter sense of humor yet.

Kurt saw her expression and immediately knew something was wrong. But he didn't say a word. He just hugged her hello, and asked how the meeting had been.

She told her friends what happened, her voice cracking a couple of times, her eyes burning and feeling blurry. Why was she _so_ sensitive? I mean, it helped her cry on demand, but also when she didn't want to.

– Rach, you are young and talented, you just– Kurt started talking, trying to console her.

– Stop it, Lady Hummel, leave this one to me – Santana interrupted, holding her left hand in front of her friend's face – Ok, Berry, stop moping around, ok?

Rachel glared at her, as a warning that she wasn't ready for that.

– Don't give me that look; I won't be _that_ hard, I've had my happy hour with that ex-hooker of yours.

– Not now, Santana... – Kurt warned her. The girl just rolled her eyes and kept talking.

– Whatever. Listen to me. You are talented, you know that. But you can't expect getting the leading part of a Broadway revival being 18 years old and having barely one year of study on dramatic arts. You had a chance, I won't say you didn't, but the man was right, this is a big city, you have serious competition here. Not only Mercedes, or Lady Hummel. This was your first big audition. A _Broadway_ audition! And you actually _got_ a part! We know it's kinda shitty because you won't get to draw on you all the attention you need in order to live – she felt Kurt staring at her as she said this, but she didn't look back – but it's better than nothing. And my third Mexican eye is telling me that that producer will consider you for future plays. And also that the actress you substitute will have a problem at least one night. You'll get your stage; you are Rachel Berry, aren't you?

Rachel couldn't help smiling a bit.

– Is your third eye becoming a crystal ball or something?

– How you _dare_? – Santana asked, displaying a fake horrified look – It's way better than that!

They all laughed together.

– Ok, thank you guys. I really needed to hear that from someone... –Rachel struggled to find the nicest word she could to describe Santana – objective, I guess. And thank you for not being "that hard" Santana, I know it's not easy for you.

– Yeah, well, don't expect more of that for a long time. Same for you, Nancy. I mean, these times of sweetness can only be counted with one hand. – Santana said while inspecting her nails.

– Sweetness. Sure... – Kurt mocked while Rachel walked to her room.

That night, besides her friends' pep talks, she couldn't help her tears streaming down her cheeks.

_Maybe I could call him. Would that make me feel better? Or worse? I know I didn't call him after the audition was over, as he asked, but it just didn't feel right. Did Kurt tell him something about this? Because I don't want to be the one to explain to him, I know I'll cry again, and I don't want that, not when I'm talking to him._

What the hell!

Take the phone.

Directory.

'F' key.

'Finn Hudson'.

_That handsome smile._

Finger above green button.

Press.

Finger above red button...

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Press.

* * *

– Wuzzup lil' bro?

– I think... I think you should call Rachel.

– What happened? Is she ok?

– Yeah, yeah… I mean, physically talking, she's alright.

– What do you mean by phy- can you just tell me what's going on? Don't scare me, Kurt.

– It's just... Her audition didn't go the way she expected.

– Oh crap. What happened? Didn't she get a part?

– She got Fanny's understudy.

– Well, that's cool! I mean, at least she got something…

– Are you forgetting who we're talking about here? She's Rachel _Barbra_ Berry, Finn. She wasn't going to be happy unless she was Fanny, as in Star-Fanny, not Understudy-Fanny.

– Yeah, I know... But, do you think _I_ should call her? I mean, I would, but will that make her feel better?

– She didn't even listen to Santana, she just made her believe she was listening. Look, I know her, and you do too. Better than me, in some ways I'm thankful for. – Finn rolled his eyes at his brother's double-meaning tease – And that's why I'm asking you to call her, you know as well as me that you're the only one who she listens to.

– Well... Ok, if you put it _that_ way...

– C'mon, I know you want to call her all the time, Finn. Don't play it hard now.

– Ok, ok, I'll call her. Just... don't tell her that. Do you think she's awake now?

– I'm sure she is. She went to her bedroom, but I don't think she's sleeping.

– Do you think she's crying? Because I don't like-

His brother cut him off, his voice a bit higher.

– _Stop_ being such a baby and call her Finn! God, I have to do all the work here!

– Ok, ok, don't freak out. I'll call her. Bye...

– Bye, thank you!

* * *

**A/N: So… I'm starting to like this cliffhanger thing! Does he call? If so, does she pick up the phone? LOL!  
But I'll update soon, I promise, because it's already written (and I'm on holidays), I just wanna see the response to keep going. **

**I'd really like to see what you think of this, it takes only two more minutes from your time but it keeps me motivated, it means the world to me!  
Thanks you so much : )**


	3. Phone calls

**Well hello awesome readers! I've just remembered I have a story going on here! I'm so sorry, I know I promised it wouldn't take so long but I was voting for PCAs all day and I kinda forgot about this for these days. Anyways, here it is! Phone calls. Yep, more than one, and I hope you like them all.**

* * *

**Disclaimer**: I'm a poor student, I don't even own the books I read. So yeah, I definitely don't own any of this nor make any money out of it.

* * *

Her cell phone's screen was still lightened (since she had pressed the red button) when it started buzzing.

– Hello? – She sounded surprised.

– Hey… Rachel, how you doing?

He put his hand on his forehead and shook his head after his own words.

"_How you doing?" Who am I? __**Joey Tribbiani**__? Come on, Finn! You know she's not doing fine. Why you get so stupid when you talk to her? Well... maybe because she's usually the one who talks all the time and I don't really have to- Forget it! Talk to her! Better! Normally! __**NOW**__!_

– Hey, I- I was going to... this... I- I was just thinking about you...

A half-smile appeared on his face.

– I'm sorry about your audition.

– Yeah, me too... I knew it was a long shot but, I guess somewhere inside me I thought I could get it. That's my problem. I want things too badly and I hold on to stuff too hard.

He knew those words.

_Surrender. I know how hard that is for you because how hard you hold on to stuff, but we're just gonna... We're gonna sit here and we're just gonna let go... _

She knew those words too; she was repeating them to his face. He knew the choice of words wasn't casual. He took a deep breath and started blurting out the first thing that came to his mouth. Again, mouth faster than brain. He hopes it doesn't screw it all up.

– Rachel, don't you _ever_ say that again. That's not your problem, that's what makes you, _you_! Without you wanting things too badly, glee club wouldn't have been the same, you wouldn't have gotten all the solos you got (which helped us win almost all of our competitions), you wouldn't be studying in NYADA, you wouldn't have had that audition – his voice went softer and he talked slower – maybe… maybe we wouldn't even have been together... So don't say it as a bad thing, because you want things too badly, but you also work for them until you get them. If you don't get them, why stop working? This was only your first try, and the Rachel Berry I knew didn't give up after the first try, right?

A small smile appeared on her face too and he could feel it on her voice.

– Right... Thanks Finn, you... You didn't have to call...

– I think I did... – he said with a smile. Then, both remained silent for a few seconds, until he talked again – Remember what you told me when New Directions lost their Sectionals?

– That it wasn't only about winning. And then you told me that I was all about winning. I guess you were right...

– Hey, stop it! "Don't give up on your dreams". That's what you told me. Well, Rach, don't give up on yours, either.

Her smile grew bigger.

– Thank you Finn... I... I guess I really needed to talk… to _you_... Thank you.

– Whenever you want, Rach.

He hung up.

…

– Hey, what happened? – She asked, after picking up the phone again.

– I, I just forgot to say congratulations; you _did_ get a part in the play after all...

– Oh, thank you, yes, I'm Fanny's understudy.

– Well, if I remember well, you get to sing like… – he made a pause, and she could hear him whispering to himself – twelve songs, right?

She giggled.

– Yes... Were you just… were you counting them? – She asked incredulous – I think I made you watch that DVD too many times.

– Don't worry; I fell asleep on, like, half of those. – He heard her laugh now. He didn't fall asleep. She knew it. But he liked to say goofy things like that on purpose, her smile was worth it. – So, do you know when you start rehearsing?

– Yeah, like in three months.

– That's- that's great! It's right after Nationals! Maybe... – He stopped talking for a second, cursing his mouth for being faster than his brain. **Again**_._ _Why did I say this? Well, fuck it, too late_ – Maybe you can come and see m- the kids, you can come and see the kids.

"_And see _me_"? My brain is so fucking stupid. Maybe I went too far..._

– That's... We'll see, maybe the three of us can go and cheer on you, all of you.

_Yep. Too far, too soon. Thanks brain._

– Cool! See ya Rach.

She couldn't help smiling after the nickname.

– See you Finn, thanks again.

That night, she slept with a smile on her face.

* * *

– Santana, are you ok? You've been weird since you got here...

– Kurt, I haven't even taken off my coat...

– It's just you haven't mock– he stopped at the realization – Oh my God, you called me by my name! Where is Santana and what did you do to her? – he asked, false panick printed on his voice.

_Damn gay sixth sense! This guy is unbelievable! Maybe I should insult him to get rid of him... I don't think that will work, but let's give it a try..._

– I don't know what you are talking about, Lady, I just had a hard day on work today.

– You _always_ have a hard day on work, you work at a bar! And you insult me even more on _real_ hard days. This is different, I know it... You have your Mexican third eye, I have my gay sixth sense.

She rolled her eyes and gave up.

– Ok, it might be related to the fact that I met this pretty girl on work today...

_Look how his face glows, what da fuck is he thinking of? Oh no, not a makeover! Holly crap, what is going on with these Broadway guys and makeovers? _

– Oh my God, I'm- this is _so_ good! Is she gay?

– They told me so, but she looks kinda shy...

– Oh, no... Don't freak her out please.

– Who do you think I am? I won't freak her out!

– You are Satan... I mean, _Santana_, and you can intimidate people easily...

She rolled her eyes

– Ok, _**maybe**_. But it's not like I'm in love with her or something so don't make a big deal out of it, ok? And don't tell Rachel, I still have too much to laugh on her; I don't want her to have a good answer for me yet.

– See? You always call her "Berry".

– Whatever!

– Anyway, please don't be hard on her, ok? This has not been a good year for her...

– I support her, but I won't go all stupid sweetie-pies like you two, I'm still me.

– I made Finn call her– Kurt blurt out suddenly.

– What? _Why_? You were trying to fill one hole with an ass-hole? – she was talking seriously, but she started laughing on her own words– Oh wait, that sounded _so_ wanky.

– Santana, that was disgusting. And don't use that on me, you made him come to kill Plastic Guy.

– You know we _both_ wanted that to happen. And she didn't _see_ him, so it wasn't that hard.

– Ok, I'll give you that, but you know she didn't feel any better after your 'pep talk' the other day – he drew quotation marks with his fingers in the air while he talked.

– I know. She's too stubborn… - She sighed - Ok, she only listens to the gigantic-ass ex, I get it. I guess you did right, she looks happier now.

– She does, doesn't she? – He waited a second and then remembered – Well, what's this girl's name?

She rolled her eyes and went to her bedroom

– Not gonna happen, Olsen twin!

* * *

After he read the letter, he immediately knew what he needed to do, so he grabbed his phone.

– Hey Finn, how are you doing with that song selection?

– Err... not so well, Mr. Schue, I have narrowed it down, but I keep thinking none of them are as good as our last nationals' selection.

– It's ok, we still have some time... I was thinking that maybe you could do a little help...

– Oh, no, Mr. Schue, you don't have to help me. I'll find the perfect songs, don't worry.

– Well, actually, I have to choreograph the songs you pick, we both now you can't do that – he heard him laughing – so I wasn't talking about me, I was actually thinking about... Rachel.

– Oh... I- I wanted to call her but... I don't know...

– Maybe I can call her, and ask her if she can come and help the kids with their singing and stuff...

– That would be great. There's no finer teacher.

– Then it's decided, we'll have Rachel Berry back in New Directions!

– Cool. Oh, and... Mr. Schue, she didn't get Fanny, so... just be careful about what you say to her.

– Oh, ok, thanks for the warning. Bye, I'll let you know what she says.

– Ok, bye.

What he wasn't telling Finn was about the letter he had received, it was from the national's governing board. They had assigned a mandatory duet on Nationals performances. And when he thought about duets, he couldn't help thinking about Finn and Rachel.

– Hello? – She didn't know the number, but it was from Ohio.

– Rachel Berry! How are you?

– Mr. Schuester! Fine, thanks! How are you? Is every think ok?

– Yes, I just wanted to know if you were planning to come to Ohio soon, we could do a little help here with the kids.

– But what happened to Finn? Can't he help you?

– Yes, he is choosing the songs. I thought you could be the kids' vocal coach while I help him. Mercedes was helping us too, but she went to LA again.

– Well, I have actually some days off next month, I don't have any auditions and I've finished with my exams. I was thinking about going for a visit, I haven't seen my dads in a long time. I guess I could drop by and help you.

– Thank you Rachel, that would be great! And congratulations on your audition.

– Thanks Mr. Schue. See you. Say hi to Mss. Pillsbury.

– Thank you, goodbye.

He texted Finn. _'She's in'_.

* * *

**A/N:** I must say I laugh when I read some freaked out comments because of the cliffhangers. So I made another one :D How cool is that?

Thanks for reading : ) If you can, please take some time to write a review, you don't know how much it means. Thanks again : ) xoxox


	4. Confessions

**Hello, fellow fanfictioners : ) Sorry if this took long to update, I was fangirling over Cannonball :D (How awesome is it, btw?) Anyway, here's a pretty long chapter to make it up for you. I hope you all enjoy it!**

* * *

**Disclaimer:** If Glee was mine, we wouldn't have this hideous hiatuses. So, yep, still not mine.

* * *

– So you're not coming with me? You could help us with the girls' dresses... – her friend was sitting on the couch, reading a fashion magazine, while she was walking around the tiny apartment, searching for items she would probably need to pack later. She had still a few days until she went back to Ohio (that was why she was still trying to talk Kurt into coming with her, since Santana had to work) but she was a bit anxious so she started planning everything earlier than usual.

– Sorry, Diva, but as much as I'd love to watch my brother and my best friend interact in that choir room again, with a bucket of low calorie pop-corn on my lap, I wouldn't like to take the spotlight from the Finchel moment...

Rachel rolled her eyes.

– Really funny, Kurt. We're... We're not 'Finchel' anymore, ok? We're... We're just Finn and Rachel, and we're nothing.

– Thought you were _endgame_ – he commented nonchalantly, his voice emphasizing the last word. You could imagine him drawing quotation marks in the air with his fingers, but he was too into his article to put the magazine aside to do it.

He and Rachel hadn't talked much about that day, only about Mr. Schue and Ms. Pillsbury. And neither with his brother, he had been too busy helping Mr. Schue, first finding Ms Pillsbury, and then with the Glee club. But he had seen them talking before they sung, and they were too close to be just discussing some musical agreement about their incoming performance, so he had to ask what they were talking about in their way back to New York.

– _Kurt!_ – Rachel complained, almost sounding like a little girl – We're not... I mean, I don't know how he feels, but I don't feel that way about him anymore! And I don't want to think about that day, so please stop quoting his little movie-perfect speech...

– Movie-perfect, huh? Why don't you want to talk about that day? You seemed pretty happy on that stage...

– You know I'm _always_ happy on a stage!

– Yeah, but this was a different kind of happy, don't play fool on me, I know you... – he changed the page on his magazine – What I didn't know was how much you had perfected your acting skills! I knew you could cry on demand, but _blushing_ on demand? That's new...

– I wasn't- I wasn't blushed, ok? It was hot up there.

He looked up at her before he answered, he needed to see her expression.

– We are finally on the same page!

She glared him and stomped out of his sight furiously and he felt he had had enough fun for a day with his friend. But suddenly he saw a pink dress on his magazine that made him have a flashback on that day. Right after they sang together. He was walking with Blaine down the hall to the hotel room Blaine had booked for them, when he heard some hills hitting the floor's furthest corner of the place, behind them. But when he turned around to see who it belonged to, he only saw a pink blur that quickly disappeared from his sight. Until now, he hadn't cared about it, he had just thought it had been Mercedes looking for him, and leaving when he saw him with Blaine. Or maybe Marley Rose. But now, he remembered Mercedes had left a few moments earlier, and Marley's dress was a different shade of pink. He knew the shade because he had helped Rachel pick- Oh!

He raised his eyes from the magazine to look in the direction Rachel had gone to, his mouth open in realization. He hadn't thought about her… But she certainly disappeared after she sang… And so did Finn… Now pieces were starting to fit together.

– Wait a minute... Where did you go after you sang together?

– Where did _you_ go? You seemed pretty happy with Blaine as well, my dear. – She evaded, coming to the room again, her cheeks a little pink.

– So you admit you were happy with him? – He smirked in satisfaction when all the answer he got from her was a narrow-eyed look – I told you I spent the night with Blaine, but we agreed it was a one-time thing. – Well, not that Blaine _had_ to know about the agreement – But you never told me what _you_ did.

She stopped walking around, a towel and a bra under her arm, and glared him.

– I spent the night with Finn, ok? – She watched her friend smile, enjoying her little confession – Did you really have to rub it in my face? Couldn't you just _assume_ it?

And she left again. The more she stormed out, the less impact she caused.

Although he didn't know about her spending the night with Finn, he wasn't surprised. Maybe it was because he had expected something like that to happen, especially after that duet. Everyone hooks up at weddings, right? But something felt wrong... So he followed her to her room.

– I had assumed it, Rach, I was kidding before… - She didn't seem to feel less angry with his explanation, and he couldn't understand why, so he pressed a little more – But now there's something I don't understand. First, why didn't you tell me before, and second, why are you storm-outting me? Wasn't a big deal, was it?

– I didn't tell you because I knew you'd make a big deal out of it. – She sat on her bed while he talked.

– Rachel, come on-

He tried, sitting on her bed too, but she stopped him with her own words, taking her eyes from him to look at her fingers tangling and untangling from the sheet.

– And... – He looked at her with more attention – I- I thought I was pregnant, Kurt.

* * *

– Lopez, could you take on table #5? – Her partner yelled at her. It was not a busy night, but she had ended with her behind-the-bar duties, so she could help waiting tables now.

– Coming! – She answered, while she looked at said table.

There she was again. The lights were not helping her check the girl out, but she had dark hair and blue (or maybe green) eyes, her face pale white. She wasn't a Playboy-cover girl, but she had a nice shape. (Not as freaking smoking as hers, of course). They had told her the girl was a lesbian, but she actually didn't know her, neither had talked to her. She and her friends were regulars, but this was the first time she was waiting their table. So she smiled, lifted her skirt a little, and ran her fingers through her hair while she approached table #5.

– Hello, my name is Santana and I'll be your waitress tonight. What can I bring for you? – She felt like that Barbie doll on Toy Story every single time she repeated that sentence, but this time, her smile was not faked, it had came naturally to her face, without her thinking.

She took her friends' orders and left hers for last.

– And you?

The girl looked up at her smiling.

– I'll have a glass of water, thank you.

She said "ok, I'll be back soon" and she walked towards the bar. Behind it, her partner, Mimmy, was looking at the girl in table #5, who was staring at Santana. The Latina mouthed "thank you" and Mimmy winked at her. Santana walked to the kitchen to get the order ready.

– Wait a minute! _Water_? – She talked to herself, angrily surprised when she realized what the girl had ordered – She's in a bar and she asked me _water_? Holly fuck, she's like Berry's lesbian version! She looks shy but... water? This is going to be hard...

She placed the drinks (and the freaking boring water) on her tray and headed to the table again. She placed the drinks in front of who had asked them, again, leaving the nice girl for the end.

– Aaaand you water. DD of the night, I'm guessing? – She asked, with a small smile. There _had_ to be a reason for that water, she could not deal with someone else like Hummelberry and their Saturday night bingos.

– Oh, yes, my turn tonight – the girl answered, a smile spreading across her face – otherwise, this would never be water!

She sighed in relief internally and winked.

– Well, let me know if I can get you anything else. – She said, only speaking to the girl.

They didn't ask for anything else but the check, and she had to admit, this disappointed her a little. But, not willing to let anyone know about this, she took to their table the little folder with the check, thanked her costumers for coming to the bar and left.

After they left, she went back to the table to clean it and pick up the money. When she opened the little folder, she found a little paper that said:

_To Santana:_

_0-111-800-57 _

_Lucy ;)_

* * *

– WHAT? Rachel why are you telling me this _now_?

– I don't know... I was... I just... I got really scared... – she stuttered, her voice and her head low, her finger tangling and untangling with the hem of her skirt. Kurt sat closer to her, took the hand she was moving with his own, and looked into her eyes.

– Rachel, does Finn now about this? – He took a breath in realization – Was he the-

– Yes, he would have... – she cut him before he could finish the sentence, knowing what he'd ask. She didn't want to hear the word. Her voice went lower, and sounded like it was about to break, her eyes trying to release the tears she had been holding – I don't really know how he felt, but it seemed like we both needed to be with each other, like _urgently, _like we weren't close enough, you know? Brody never made me feel that way. He made me feel sexy, but not pretty, or loved... It was different. And he just took out the worst in me, being with him made me do stupid things... But I didn't want to see that. When I met Finn again and I felt like it would be ok, that it would be a normal night. Even with that speech... But then when we sang together, it brought up so many feelings, so much relief that I didn't know I needed. It felt like... It felt like _home_...

Her speech was messy, she seemed like was just letting out everything that was on her mind rather than answering her friend's questions. Tears streamed slowly down her face, as she looked to Kurt, trying to make him say something.

– I know, I felt the same... – he sighed sadly – But you two never had a 'normal' day or night since that Grease rehearsal back in sophomore year, Rachel, you know that.

– I know, but after all this time... I knew it would be awkward, but I also thought I would be over those emotions. But I felt the need to feel him again; I needed him to love me... And I couldn't think of anything else. When I realized what I was doing, it was late. I left early in the morning because I didn't want him to notice how I felt. Confused and sad and guilty and ashamed... And then, here, Brody had decorated the whole apartment with rose petals, and flower arrangements, and cardboard hearts... And all I could think about was Finn...

She stayed quiet, not wanting to meet her friend's eyes. Kurt was looking at her blankly, he didn't know what to say. Rachel was a smart girl. Her feelings must have been really strong and urgent to forget about everything else like that. As if she could listen what he was thinking, she broke the silence.

– Look, I'm not proud of what I did, but that scare made me take things in perspective. And it took a little while but I realized I was... derailed. And it won't happen again, I'll focus on my career, exclusively. – She took a deep breath before she spoke again – And, besides you and Santana, nobody knows about this, ok? And nobody else has to know. Especially your brother. He must _**not**_ know. Are we clear?

– Yes, we are, Diva. – He mocked her, making a soldier salute, trying to lighten the mood a little. He didn't agree with Rachel, but it was her decision, not his. And well he knew no one could argue with Rachel Berry, win and live to tell. Not at least you were 6'3" and wore a (hideous) plaid shirt and a dimpled half smile.

– Well, from now on, we don't talk about this anymore, please? All of this is over, and I've moved on, and I don't want to think about Finn anymore, and, despite of what you think, things seem to be normal with him again. Well, almost. He's still waiting for me to yell at him after what happened with Brody (which I won't do), but that aside, everything is fine. And I don't want to remember all this awkwardness just days before I go to Ohio to help him with the Glee club.

– Are you sure you are over him?

– Kurt! What did I _**just**_ say?

– Ok, ok, it was just a question! – He lifted both of his hands, showing his palms as in saying 'I'm innocent', while she left the room. _Damn, when this woman has kids, they'll be __**doomed**__ if they don't listen to her…_

The truth was she didn't know how to answer to that question, but if she kept telling herself she was certainly over him, maybe she would end up being sure about it. She only hoped she could hurry it into the days she had before seeing him again...

* * *

**A/N: Dum, dum, duuum…**

**REVIEWS = LOVE!**


	5. Lima, Ohio

Hello again! How have you been? Christmas shopping, maybe? I must confess I haven't done it yet. I live in the southern hemisphere and it's hot like hell over here. Anyways, before reading this chapter, I recommend you to re-watch the _Open your heart to me/Borderline_ full scene from the Madonna episode (1x15). You could also watch the _Pretending_ scene in 2x22, but I think that one is more difficult to forget ;)

One last thing: Finchel in tha' house, bitcheeeeeees!

Enjoy :)

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**Disclaimer**: I don't own any of these characters and I don't get any profit from doing this.

Hey, I think I hadn't done such a serious disclaimer before!

Ok, I've reuined it now :P

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**Chapter 5: Lima, Ohio**

Mr. Schue was casually late today. _This_ particular day. So he would have to introduce Rachel to the kids himself. She was actually waiting outside for him to do so. A good drama queen needs her good entrance. He had thought like, a _bazillion_ different things to say. But he couldn't remember any of those, so he just gave up and let it flow.

– Hey guys, how you doing? – he waited until the kids sat down and said hello to keep talking – Remember Thanksgiving, when some of the former Glee clubbers came and helped us out with Sectionals? Well, that day I told you they were legends. But if we're gonna talk about legends, we have to talk about... – he went to the drum set and made a drum roll – Ms Rachel Berry! – he finished to give her the signal that she could come in.

– Ms Berry in tha' house, yo'! – Artie said, while she entered to the choir room.

Oldest glee clubbers were cheering while some of the newest smiled quietly. They had seen her in Mr. Schue's almost-wedding, they had listened to some stories, but that was all.

She hugged hello the first ones and gave a smile or a handshake to the second ones. Then she looked at Finn shyly, smiled, and stood next to him, but not too close. When was the last time she had felt shy? This was kind of new...

Just before things went awkward between them, Mr. Schuester came in.

–Heeey! Rachel! How are you? – He hugged her, and the turned to the kids – Hey guys, how are you? I guess you met Rachel. Sorry I'm late Finn, I had to talk to Figgins.

– Yeah, _right_...– he mumbled to himself sarcastically. Mr. Schue kept talking.

– Ok, this year, we have to perform a mandatory duet, so the assignment for this week will be to find a partner and perform one. Remember, duets are about two voices that become one, a perfect harmony. And, speaking of that, I was hoping that maybe Finn and Rachel could show you what I mean...

Both of them looked at each other, and then at him with their eyes wide open. They weren't expecting that.

– I- I'm sorry Mr. Schue, but I haven't prepared anything – Rachel said. She wasn't used to be intimidated by a song. It was weird, such a familiar place and such strange feelings.

– That's right; I… haven't warmed up, either – Finn added.

– Oh, c'mon guys, we miss your duets! And Mr. Schue couldn't listen to you on Valentine's Day. Pleeeeeaaase, we've missed you two singing together! – Tina begged.

Finn looked down at Rachel, trying to read her mind. She was smiling slightly, he knew she'd always enjoy being in the spotlight, but today she seemed strangely quiet. Anyway, he would say yes or no depending on the look on her eyes. She blinked a little slower than normal, leaving her eyes closed for a second, while nodding discretely. That was a yes.

– Well I guess we have no choice – he said with a smirk – Ok, Rach, what could we sing?

She barely opened her mouth when Mr. Schue talked.

– If you don't have anything prepared, why don't you sing _Pretending_? It would be perfect because it's a Nationals' performance. Plus, the kids are trying to include original songs too, as they did in Regionals.

_**Pretending**__? Why that song, out of all of the duets we have done? Mr. Schuester is going insane... I mean, we have had other powerful duets. Faithfully, You're the one that I want, We've got tonight, I just can't stop loving you, Open your heart to me/Borderline... And I could go on all afternoon... Any of those would have been awkward, too. But __**Pretending**__? It is too much. It has all in one: New York, Finn, Nationals... He wrote that song to describe our relationship, for Barbra's sake!_

_Ok, Rachel, you are a professional, you can do this._

– Just try not to _eat_ _her_ this time, T-Rex – Kitty snapped. Finn and Rachel looked surprised at her.

Great. The little new head bitch was worse than Quinn _and_ Santana together. What could possibly go wrong now?

– Kitty, that was not appropriate – Mr. Schue said to her. The girl just rolled her eyes – Guys, whenever you want.

They went to opposite sides of the room, as in the original choreography, and Rachel nodded at the pianist, asking him to start playing.

**Finn and Rachel:**

Face to face and heart to heart

We're so close yet so far apart

I close my eyes I look away

that's just because I'm not ok

(A wave of feelings came to both of them as they sang together. Their duets were too powerful.

_No wonder why Mr. Schue asked __**us**__ to show this kids what a duet is about_, thought Rachel. _Still, this is awkward. It feels nice, but so out of place at the same time_._)_

**Rachel:**

But I hold on

**Finn and Rachel:**

I stay strong

Wondering if we still belong

(_I wonder if we still belong, I really do_, Finn thought, _I mean, I know I love her and I want to be with her, but what about her? She seems so confused..._)

Will we ever say the words we're feeling?

Reach down underneath and tear down all the walls

Will we ever have a happy ending?

Or will we forever only be pretending?

We will always, always, always be pretending?

How long do I fantasize?

Make believe that it's still alive

Imagine that I am good enough

and we can choose the ones we love

**Finn:**

But I hold on

**Finn and Rachel:**

I stay strong

Wondering if we still belong

Will we ever say the words we're feeling?

Reach down underneath and tear down all the walls

Will we ever have a happy ending?

Or will we forever only be pretending?

Will we always, always, always be...

Keeping secrets safe

every move we make

Seems like no one's letting go

and it's such a shame

'Cause if you feel the same

how am I supposed to know?

**Finn, Rachel, and New Directions:**

Will we ever say the words we're feeling?

Reach down underneath and tear down all the walls

(**Rachel:** Tear down all the walls)

Will we ever have a happy ending?

Or will we forever only be pretending?

(**Finn:** Only be pretending)

**New Directions with Finn and Rachel:**

Will we always, always, always be pretending?

Will we always, always, always be pretending?

Will we always, always, always be pretending?

**Finn and Rachel:** Pretending...

They ended up just like almost two years before, when they last sang this song. Looking into each other's eyes, their bodies together, feeling their chests breathing fast, Finn fighting against the need of kissing Rachel. Rachel looking directly at Finn's lips. But this time, they didn't. Instead of that, they did just like when they sang _Open your heart to me_ (on that Madonna week, when she was dating Jesse, only because he had been kind of a jerk)

– Th- that was good...

– Totally.

Kids weren't able to listen to that because of their own cheering. But some of them (Sam, Artie, Tina, Blaine...) could see what was going on. They seemed to fall in love with each other again every time they sang together. And they both knew it, but they were just... pretending.

They turned around on their heels and paced quickly in opposite directions, looking worried, and sat in opposite sides of the room.

– See? _That's_ what I'm talking about – Mr. Schue said, breaking the brief silence that had been created, that only felt awkward to Rachel and Finn – this is how a duet must sound... and _feel_. You have a lot of work to do guys, so let's get it started! Finn, I have to talk to Emma, can you both watch the kids? I'll come back in a moment...

– Sure, don't worry Mr. Schue.

While he went away and the kids started pairing up and choosing songs, they started talking.

– So... how are you doing? – Rachel started.

– Kind of nervous, actually, it's been a long time since we last sang this...

– I could never make you nervous!

She regretted the choice of words as soon as she finished saying them.

_Between all the possible combinations of words to say, this must have been the worst. _

Both of them thought exactly the same. And they both looked down to skip the awkward moment. Finn cleared his throat to talk again.

– You're totally doing it right now, actually.

–I'm sorry, I- I didn't think what I was saying… – she said, still looking down, her voice low.

– It's ok…

– So… – Rachel began, to break the new awkward silent that had formed – a mandatory duet, huh? What are you going to do with that?

– I don't know, actually… I've just found out about it. I don't know why Mr. Schue didn't tell me, he clearly knew about this…

– He didn't tell me either, but I can think a couple of reasons why he did it… – she wasn't going to tell him this, but she wasn't as innocent as him, if she had known kids had to make a duet, she wouldn't have been in the same room Finn was at least she was faking a sore throat; not after what happened with their last duet (and every single one of them, actually), and Mr. Schue knew that – Anyway, who are your leads?

He shifted to look at the kids, his hands and low back resting against the piano. She assumed the same position. Well, almost. She was resting her elbows and her mid-back instead. Height difference perks.

–Marley is the female lead, and Blaine the male one. We also have Tina, Jake and Unique. They are our biggest voices. Brittany was our female dancer lead, but she's gone now. Kitty is a good dancer, though. And Ryder is one of the best dancers too, alone with Jake. They are not Mike Chang, but they got some moves.

He turned to look at her, a proud smile on his face, as if these were his own kids.

– Marley Rose is your lead? The girl who fainted at Regionals? – She asked, with a frown and a slightly higher pitch.

– Yeah, she's kind of the Rachel Berry of the group. – He said, with a smile, not noticing the concern in Rachel's question – She's even gonna write a song for Nationals, she's our composer. She's really talented, isn't she?

He didn't get the amazed answer he was waiting for (he really hoped she was proud of him and his kids), so he looked at her. Rachel was looking away with a frown, though she felt he was looking at her. Suddenly, he understood.

– Rach, no one can replace you! You know you'd still be the lead if you were here – Finn said, trying to stifle his giggle at Rachel's childish reaction.

She was still the same old Rachel he knew, even under all that make up and those high boots. She looked _hot,_ he wasn't denying it. Especially with that low-neck shirt, that looked totally awesome from his (high, perfect for cleavage-sighting) point of view. He was still a dude, you know? But he still preferred the sundresses, plaid skirts and knee high socks. They were more… Rachel. Not only Rachel, _his _Rachel.

– I know. _**I **_would never faint in the middle of a competition.

– Do I have to remember you forgetting the lyrics to _Don't rain on my parade_, the song you were preparing since you were four? – He said with a smirk.

– Ok, I get it… I know she's talented. It's just… I really miss it, you know? Being here, performing, my friends… you…

He couldn't help the big smile that crossed his face from ear to ear after what she said. He wasn't in the same group her friends were. He had a group _of his own_, and that was totally awesome.

– Yeah, me too… It's not the same when you can't sing or play the drums with them, you know?

– We should make a reunion. The old New Directions, I mean – she tried to clear, not wanting him to think she was talking only about the two of them.

– Yeah, that would be cool! But first we need to think of a group number, a duet and a solo for the kids. – She nodded. Words suddenly started to burst out of his mouth, not leaving him time to really think what he was saying. Again, his mouth working faster than his brain – You know… I don't know if we really have time to work in here, we have to help the kids and all… Maybe tomorrow we could stay a couple of hours after they leave so we can work better…

– Um… Ok, we could do that. – She smiled shyly, not looking to him, but to the kids. He beamed at her, and then looked in the same direction she was.

–Well, you have a pretty talented team, from what I can see –she said – They may not be us, but I think they are good enough to bring some company to that Nationals trophy of ours, don't you? –she asked with a wink.

–Only if you help us.

– You think Marley and Blaine should make the duet?

– I don't know… They sang together for Sectionals, they sound pretty good together, but I don't think they have enough chemistry to sing a duet. They have the voices, but not the feels.

– So you're thinking of a ballad?

– Umm, yeah! Those are like _best_ kind of duets, right? Really _touchy_.

– Finn…

– Yeah?

–I don't think 'touchy' is the word you were looking for…

– What do you mean? 'Touchy' as in 'they touch your feelings' – she shook her head, closing her eyes, focusing on not laughing.

– Nope. It means 'sensitive'. I think you were trying to say 'touchy-feely', that would mean moving or very sentimental.

He wasn't. He was just trying to say something wrong. She was so cute trying not to laugh at him.

– Ok, _moving_. – He rolled his eyes, and she finally released her giggles – Anyway, I think they wouldn't make a powerful duet. I think Marley should sing with Jake, that'll give the performance a better feeling. They'll never have our dangerous chemistry, but they'll manage.

– Could you stop with that "dangerous chemistry" thing? You know it is not true.

– You didn't think the same on Valentine 's Day, Rach… - he answered, only half joking.

– I- I just… It's called performing, I'm an actress and I was performing.

–Ok, let me tell you you're a reallygood actress then, you take your roles _really_ seriously. I mean, you kept performing even _after_ the performance finished – he said, with a playful smile.

She was smiling (sarcastically so) when she talked.

– Really funny. – Her expression turned serious after those words - Don't do it again. C'mon, we have some songs to pick, Finn.

–Ok, let me ask Marley. – He said, satisfied that he was still alive and, you know, in one peace. He raised his voice – Marley! Could you come here for a sec?

– Sure! –the girl answered. She smiled to her partner, stood up and walked towards the piano, where they were standing.

– Marley, do you have any duets in your compositions?

–Um… I don't, but I could work on it. Though it won't be as good as yours, guys…

– That song you wrote for Sectionals was really good. –Rachel said, trying to encourage her.

– Really? You think so? Thank you! – The girl beamed at her words, clearly proud of herself.

– And if you ever get stuck, you can always ask Finn for help. He's the one who wrote the song we sang today. – She looked at him with a smile; he was rubbing the back of his neck and looking down.

– I thought you had written it together –the girl said, confused. Finn answered her.

– Nah, we weren't together at the time…

– You weren't? But didn't you guys lose because you kis-

– Ooookay! I think Jake is calling you there, sweetie – Rachel cut her in. Both Finn's and her own cheeks were bright pink – you go and work on that duet of yours, ok?

– Um… sure… – she went back to her chair, looking confused. Finn couldn't hide his chuckles after Rachel's reaction.

– Hey, don't laugh! We've had enough of that last year from our own friends! She's not entitled to mock on us, she's a newbie. – Rachel answered with a frown, while crossing her arms and looking away.

His laugh was suffocated by the bell now. Some of the kids said goodbye. Some of the older members stayed with Rachel and Finn for a few minutes, until Mr. Schue had to leave and locked the choir room.

– You want me to drive you home? – Finn asked Rachel, while he walked out of the building to the parking lot.

– Thanks Finn, but I think I'll walk, my house's not that far anyway.

He was kind of waiting that answer, but he was not willing to give up. He'd just give her some space. She had spent this whole time talking to him, he couldn't ask for more. Baby steps.

– Ok, I'll see you tomorrow then; let me know if you want me to drive you here. See ya . – He knew that wouldn't happen either (yet), but still, he was just being _chivalrous._

– Bye Finn, see you tomorrow – she answered with a smile and walked away.

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**A/N**: thank you so much for reading, people. I'd thank you even more if you could leave a small review. I'm trying to answer them personally, but I only can do that to people who have an account, not guests. So, guests: thank you for your reviews : )

Oh! I almost forget, for those who didn't recognize it, the '_I could never make you nervous' _expression was said by Rachel before Finn proposed to her (Yes/No – 3x10)

Another thing: have you heard about the way Glee was supposed to end? (if Finn was there too). Well, for those who haven't, here it goes: after becoming a great star, Rachel would feel fulfilled and empty at the same time. She'd go back to Lima and find Finn working at school. He'd ask what she's doing there and she'd answer she's home. That'd be the last scene ever. (And that would be what Rachel called her 'plan' in 5x03, so, pretty heartbreaking).

And, as emotional as it sounds, I didn't like it…

Before you throw rotten fruit to me, let me explain myself: if that's the way it was going to end, we would have had Finchel-less seasons 4, 5 **and **6 (so yeah, half of the show apart). And when we finally got them together, the show ends and we never find out what happens next between them. I know we all expect their 'happily ever after' but I also wanted more Finchel that just one last scene. And by 'more Finchel' I don't mean random phone calls twice a season. So, now you can throw rotten fruit to me. :P

Did you like it? If not, how would you have liked it to end? (I won't tell you because it would be the greatest fic spoiler ever, right?)


	6. Jerusalem

Hello buddies! Happy New Year! :D

Well, first of all, **I'm really sorry about this long hiatus**. I should have updated around New Year's Eve but the preparations took me longer than I thought and I couldn't get to do it. And then my fangirl job busied my agenda, you know, Battlefield, Cannonball video (how awesome were those, btw?)…

Second of all, I apologize too because maybe the chapter's length should compensate the hiatus, which is not the case. Not a very long chapter, but I think it's a pretty emotional one. You tell me ;)

Enjoy, my darlings! :)

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Disclaimer: if Glee was mine, we'd have bloopers, deleted scenes and unrealesed songs. And Quick. In other words, I don't own anything.

* * *

The next day, the interaction between them was just as awkward as the day before. But now, they really didn't have a lot of safe conversation subjects like they did yesterday. So yeah, it was kinda awkward, and they were both a little tense. He could see Rachel felt the same way. But because it was Rachel, and because he knew they could really talk and be honest, he wanted to try talking to her. And because they still had like he didn't know how many days (how long was she actually staying? He had to ask later) working together and it would just make it easier if they clear some things up. But mostly because it was _Rachel_, (duh) and he really wanted to make things right with her once and for all (hopefully).

So after this inner monologue went inside his head, he just blurted his next words out (well, he always blurted… he never, like, talked normally).

- Umm... I think we need to talk... – he said awkwardly, looking down and rubbing his neck before looking to see her reaction.

– Yes, I believe we do. – He totally knew she was feeling the same - What do you think we need to talk about?

– I don't know, anything... Everything... I just think it would help us out of this awkwardness...

They stayed in silence for a few moments, evading each other's eyes. Finally, Finn took a long breath and started talking.

– I'm sorry, Rachel. – She looked at him in surprise, and tried to say something, but he didn't let her begin – Please, wait, just listen.

She closed her mouth again and looked at him as he tried to find the right words to say.

He had a flashback to the moment he proposed to her, on that same place, "their Jerusalem", like she called the auditorium. That only made it worse, taking him back to their last (and worst, and definitive) breakup.

Wait, "definitive"? That means a part of him was giving up?

_Well, look at her, Finn! She's-_

No!

Not that funk again.

If she wanted, he would be anything and everything she needed.

_Stop underestimating yourself, dude_.

– I'm sorry that I was so scared. I was kind of scared of you, you know? – she looked at him, tilting her head a bit, showing her lack of understanding, but she said nothing, and waited for him to explain himself instead, which he really appreciated, considering how hard it was for her to remain silent – Like the first time we sang together. That time, I was the new guy, a rookie, and you were already an expert, and I was scared to sing with you, I was afraid you'd think I wasn't good enough. But then, time passed and we became like an item in Glee club, like you had said, and it felt _so_ awesome. But in senior year, all those feelings came back to me, you know? You were so mature, and ready for the next step... Adult world, I mean. I felt such a man-child, like I wasn't enough for you again. I- I guess that whole army thing was just an excuse to not think about my future. After all, I would have people telling me what to do all the time, there were not a lot of decisions to make. – he looked at the floor for a few seconds and then lifted his gaze and looked deeply into her eyes – I will never say I'm sorry for sending you to New York… because we both know that's where you belong. You're all kinds of awesome, Rachel – she smiled softly, her eyes teary, but she held back the tears so he could continue – I know I made you sad, and scared, but it was the only way. I knew if we talked about it again, I wasn't going to be strong enough to talk you into letting go, not without a train and a suitcase in front of us... I'm sorry for the rush that I put you in, I'm sorry for lying to you that day, make you think we were gonna... You know. But I wanted you to realize (if you didn't yet) that, given the circumstances, it was the only way. I only regret being scared, and not being ready to face the world next to you, but I guess we both needed to take a step aside from each other, to let each other grow. I also wanted you to know I meant all that I said to you that day. Everything. I don't know if you remember any of that, but-

– I do. I remember. – She hadn't intended to cut him in, but she wanted him to know that. That day wasn't just a quick blur to her, it had been like a turning point in her life. Maybe one of the biggest. A tear rolled down her left cheek, but she didn't want to move to wipe it, she was too focused remembering that day.

– I- I'm sorry...

He lifted his hand a bit, automatically intending to wipe her tears, but something stopped him and made him put it down again. She saw his moves and said nothing. She wiped her tears with her own hand and then put it softly on the one he had moved. He looked at their hands and smiled a bit over his sadness. They stayed like that for a few moments, looking to their hands silently. When Rachel saw Finn had stopped talking, she cleared her throat (not to break the silence but to try to keep her voice from breaking) and she started talking.

– For a long time, I hated you for doing that... – she felt his hand stiffen under hers, his expression showing anger – Hey, wait, now it's _your_ turn to let me finish. – She smiled at him and he relaxed a bit – I only felt that way because I loved you so much, you know? Stuff like these only hurt that much when someone is as important as we are to each other.

– When I was going on that train, I couldn't understand a thing of what had happened. You were the only thing I wasn't willing to give up on. I didn't care postponing college for you, or staying in Ohio for you, or anything… for you. But it is only now that I'm getting to understand that it was also _you_ who needed that breakup. Not because you didn't love me, but because you also needed to find your roots before growing your branches. We were young and naive and maybe love came too soon to our lives, and we didn't get to find ourselves entirely before finding each other. But without you, and alone in New York, I only lost myself, before finding myself again. I didn't fit in and nothing (except for a stage) felt like home without you. I tried to find someone else - She felt his hand turn into a tight fist as she mentioned Brody, and she brushed her thumb lightly through his knuckles, trying to relax him. It didn't work, though, and she knew it hurt him talking about Brody, but she needed to bring up that subject. - but I knew he would make me feel in all our relationship not even the half you made me feel in one day. I didn't want to admit that and I kept going on with the charade. But doing that only made me feel even more lost, and my stubbornness made me ignore my friends' warnings. – He released a short sigh through his nose, not in the mood to make it a full laughter, at the mention of her stubbornness... Damn him if he didn't know her cutely annoying stubbornness – It wasn't until that scare after Mr. Schuester's almost-wedding, and then after discovering Brody's... 'job', that my feet touched the ground again and I started shifting to the right direction.

– Please, don't- don't bring up that fucking bastard again 'cause you'll make me go beat the shit out of him again and this time I won't stop until I break every single one of his fucking plastic bones – He wasn't talking loud, but she could feel it was taking all of his strength keeping himself from kicking something. He took some (because one wasn't enough) deep breaths by his nose, trying to calm down, and his voice went lower – I'm sorry, I shouldn't have talked about you ex that way.

She ignored him because she was feeling a big warmth in her chest (despite of his language). He really was her knight in shining armor. Before she could get to talk again, words sank on his mind, his frown puckering...

– Wait, what did you just say?

– Nothing, it's ok, I don't care if you talk about him that way, not that I like him that much either...

– No, no... Before that... Why were you scared after Mr. Schue's wedding?

* * *

**A/N:**

Funny thing: after apologizing for my fangirl agenda and while checking this chapter before my update, I found myself in the middle of a riot, because Louder was released! And it's awesome! And one day early! **Thank you Grilled Cheesus!**

So, yeah, fangirling's a full time job.

Anyway, I should say I'm sorry because of the cliffhanger, but, as a writer, I happen to love them. **But**, if I put myself in the readers' shoes… Ok, I'm a little sorry for the cliffhanger guys…

Thanks for reading! I'd love some reviews ;)


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